A few months ago I was having lunch with a colleague and we were on our way back my car and I spotted a little florist that had some really beautiful arrangements. I said to him “Wait two seconds, I want to buy my fiancé some flowers” his response was “Is it her birthday?” I said “no” and he then enquired to why I would buy her flowers then. “I said I just wanted to let her know that I care and she loves to have fresh flowers in the place”. I suggested to him that he should get his wife some flowers as well and that I’m sure she would really appreciate them. Whether he was just uncomfortable with the thought OR he was being truthful I don’t know. But he responded “If I took her flowers home she would think I’m up to something?” I actually thought to myself that’s really sad firstly, if she actually thought like that or secondly that he wouldn’t think to get his wife of 5 years a little something just to let her know that she cares. I’m not a person who likes to do “grandstanding gestures” such as sending flowers to an office or buy expensive jewellery for her to show off to her friends. That’s just not me. Well that’s just not us. But here are 5 ways to let her know that you care.
1) Post it notes
If your wife/girlfriend/partner takes her own lunch to work. Sneak a post it note (Sticky note) in her lunch box. If she doesn’t take a lunch box, put it somewhere she won’t find it immediately, but will find it at some point during the day. What the message says is up to you. But my favourite thing to write is something simple and genuine such as “I Love you; hope this brightens up your day”. If you really want to make it a bit more humorous and a bit more adventurous you can cover her things (car, handbag, books and phone) with little messages. The best part about this is that she will find them randomly over the coming days.
2) Make her favourite food.
I’m definitely not a great cook by any means, but this is something that will really make her smile. At the end of the day it won’t really matter if the meal isn’t a 3 hat standard. But what will really warm her heart is the fact that you tried. As long as you’re effort was genuine this will go a long way.
3) 15 Second Kiss
Out of the blue, kiss your wife/girlfriend/partner for 15 seconds. Don’t try for anything else. Just let them know that you care about them. This will definitely work if you’re the type of person who has an over active libido.
4) 1st Date Re-enactment
Sure this might be a little different if your first date was an absolute disaster, but for many this a really great way to let her enjoy the excitement of when you both first me. If you really want to make it fun consider dressing up in similar clothes that you did at the time. If you don’t live in a location close to where you first dated. Improvise and try to do some of the same things.
5) Make her a “Mix Tape” of the songs that remind you of her.
Although we don’t make Mix tapes anymore or a Mixed CD, take the time to make one. Select all of your favourite songs that remind you of her and even write a note inside the CD case to why that song reminds you of her. If you don’t use CD’s make a play list on ITunes (or your preferred software) and sync it to her music device.
6) Write a Poem
I wanted to leave this until last because this to some is the most obvious advice that anyone could ever give. If so, how many of you have actually done it! My advice is get out of your comfort zone, think of all the reasons you fell in love in the first place, all of the reasons why she makes you extremely happy and then write them down. Who cares if it doesn’t rhyme! It’s not the point.
Ladies, I know you love to be spoilt and a lot of the time your partner often doesn’t notice the little things that you do. But I wanted to share some way which a majority of men would really enjoy and they won’t break the bank. Sure they’re a little different to what you would want and at the end of the day it’s all about letting them know you love them and care for them. Just the same way you want to be treated….but simpler.
Some people may take offence to this. But in all honesty are Men are like Dogs. All they need is your love, affection and attention OR they will starve to death as they can’t look after ourselves. That’s not meant to be taken in a derogatory fashion and it’s not true in all cases. (But it’s definitely a stereotype). Why do I know this? It’s because I am a man.
1) Sports, Mates and Beers.
Invite his mates around to watch their favourite sport without telling him. Organise a few beers a few bags of chips and invite a girlfriend around to watch a movie or have a gossip. Although you’re not spending time together, he will think you’re the greatest thing since sliced bread.
2) Sexy Text
If you send him something sexy all the time, then this mightn’t have the “same” effect. But if you don’t SURPRISE HIM! You will make his day and he will be dying to see you.
3) Watch a movie that you’ve been really avoiding but he wants to see
So you’ve been avoiding watching that latest Hollywood blockbuster full of action, blood and guts. I know its 2 hours of your life you will never get back, however showing him that you actually want him to enjoy something even though it’s not your cup of tea! He’ll think you’re the greatest wife/girlfriend/partner in the world.
4) Make him a special lunch to take to work
Ok now this sounds basic. But in the office or the work site and you pull out an amazing lunch/salad/wrap he will feel really special. When someone’s got a great lunch, it gets noticed and not only are you making sure he eats properly he will feel like a million dollars.
5) Thank him for being him
If you really love him and think he’s a great partner. Let him know! Men are very simple, if he believes that he’s treating you the right way he will do more of what you like more often. A simple thank you for being you may seem small but it’s actually a major thing for a guy to hear. Remember the last time you told him how happy he makes you and do you remember the last time he told you? Think about how that made you feel or would make you feel. Men would reciprocate the exact same way.
I always find it interesting to hear stories of long distance relationships and how they made either made it work, or had to let it go. There’s always a funny stigma that attaches themselves to these types of relationships and people often frown down on them. I’m a big believer in having to take chances, whether it is an investment, playing sport or relationships. Without risk there aren’t rewards. Sure, some people might think you’re a little crazy. But only you know how you feel and it’s hard for others understand. (Most notably friends and family)
Take me for example. I was an early 20’s single guy who had previously been in unhealthy long term relationship. (When I say unhealthy I’m comparing it to a loving, trusting relationship.) I was in a major world city there looking for a place to move to when a friend of mine and we decided we would go out for a couple of drinks at a local bar. (Yes I know a Bar). But little did I know that I would meet the most amazing person I have ever met. She was finishing her degree and I had some time off from work so we decided to travel together for a month around the country side.
By the time she had to go I had fallen head over heels for this woman and I know she felt the exact same way as well. But there was one major problem; this amazing woman that I had fallen madly in love with had to go home. Her Visa was up and she unfortunate lived 2 flights and a total 18 hour travel hours away.
Well I was really confused; I never thought I would be in a long distance relationship and at the time we didn’t really know what we should do. We were hesitant to call it a relationship because of the extreme distance and we both had careers and plans which we would have to change if we were to ever make anything of our relationship.
Before we could really decide whether this was a summer romance or the real thing I had to let her go home.
At this point most people would sit back and think what an amazing experience and sit back and wait for the next part of their life to commence. But I couldn’t get her out of my mind.
So we started writing to each other every single day. We would have webcam chats and would call each other from time to time. But with the time difference and our careers phone calls made it hard.
4 months went by and then we both decided it would be great for me to go and see her and experience where she lives. I thought it was a fantastic idea as and I booked my time off from work and bought my flights and I was off.
By the time I had left it was now 6 months since we had met. It was strange as I knew her so well. I had only been with her physically for 4 weeks. But we both made sure that we would both write to each other every single day and I always used to enjoy getting up first thing in the morning and reading an email about her day, her life and the things that she had gotten up to. Overall it was the next best thing to waking up next to her.
Over the 3 weeks that I was there, we picked up exactly where we had left off. We travelled for a couple of weeks and she had to work for one of the weeks as she couldn’t get the time off, but I didn’t mind as this allowed me to go and explore by myself. But the most important thing to both of us was…..what now? Do you both commit to a relationship? If so, what would happen next would she move here? Would I move there? What would be the best for both of us? So I travelled home more in love and crazy about her more than I could ever imagine.
By this point people were starting to think I was a little unusual at work. I mean I talked about a beautiful woman who they had never seen and I lived with my best mate of 20 years and had a lot of female friends who were simply “just friends”. Standing on the outside I definitely understand where they were coming from. If one of my mates was going through the exact same experience I would say. “You’re crazy; can’t you just find someone here?” But I wasn’t about “just finding someone” it was about her and how much she was everything I ever wanted in a life partner.
So after much deliberation and a two more visits back to see her and after meeting her family we both decided the smart decision was for her to move back here. I had a really good job and financially it made sense to rely on my income over hers.
So after a long process regarding VISA’s everything fell into place and we’ve been living together for the last 4 years and are currently planning our wedding later this year. I’m never going to write about how easy the adaption to full time living together was and give you some teary eye ending as it was really tough. At some points, I know she would have been questioning her decision to move here, but in the end I know that we’ve done the right thing and once we full understood each other and got used to living with each other full time things become very easy. We also made sure we thought about our relationship in a very basic way, by always understanding that the worst thing that could happen is that if it didn’t work out and she went home, wiser for the experience.
For any successful long distance relationship to work you have to always consider the long term impacts and think through exactly not what will happen next month, not next year even. But what you both would like to do in the long term. E.g. is a move back to her country in her long term plans? Where would you like to raise kids and can you only cope with one side of the family? How will your family feel about either one of you moving away permanently? I know these are unusual questions that wouldn’t be answered long into a relationship but these are the things you have to consider. You also need to consider yourself being “in” a real and meaningful relationship. If you’re not taking the time to communicate (email, phone calls, visits, texts, web chats) then you’re not taking it seriously. My recommendation is if this person is serious about you. Then you have to be serious about them and although I made it sound very simple by saying “the worst thing that could happen is that she goes home” this is in an example with 2 very educated professionals who took plenty of time and put a lot of thought into understanding each other’s needs and wants long before she got on the plane to come here.
There’s an old saying that “Love Conquers all”, but that might not always been the case if there isn’t either 100% alignment of these items or at least a compromise to if feelings change what your next steps are. I hope sharing this experience may either give some comfort or a more realistic view of the problems that may occur.
10 Movies that you and your partner will enjoy together.
I wanted to share with you 10 movies which I think both sexes can enjoy at any age. There is a combination of love stories, documentaries and comedies. To be blunt with you if you always watch Hollywood blockbusters you will either find these movies a breath of fresh air or will never trust my judgement again. They all rate very high on IMDB and it’s best to always watch a trailer first. Let me know what you think.
This movie is amazing. “A Very Long Engagement” is one of the best I’ve ever seen. The whole film has a very dreamlike aura to it and the colours are great. The same director as Amelie and I believe this one is right up there with it.
The subject matter here isn’t my forte by any means. Honestly, I’ve read comparisons to “Saving Private Ryan” and other than the subject matter of the war I don’t believe that you can draw to many comparisons. What makes this such a strange paradox is that the war scenes in “A Very Long Engagement” are possibly even more graphic and outrageous than those of SPR, but it works just because the direct Jeunet adds his surreal touch to everything. Of course, I would certainly call this a romance themed movie much more than a war themed movie, but it blends everything very smoothly and naturally. It is a film with something for everyone However if you’re not fluent in French or like subtitles then this movie is probably not for you.
Micmacs is the story of a lonely misfit named Bazil (Dany Boon), who after being accidentally injured in a shoot-out, is adopted by a band of other misfits. Together, they take on a band of arms-manufacturers whose products respectively injured Bazil and killed Bazil’s father, by triggering tension between them.
As with previous films (Same director as A Long Engagement above) Jeunet has produced a world of slightly-distorted reality, much like a dream. Although it does begin somewhat slowly, this is hardly a flaw, and the eventual escalation of the tension between the two forces of evil is truly winning. A witty, smart and fun movie.
King of Kong is an excellent film about a rivalry that says a lot about competition in our culture. The movie portrays Billy, the Donkey Kong Champion, doing everything in his power to keep his record and to deny Steve Wiebe (wee-Bee) the title of world record holder in Donkey Kong. Steve is an outsider in this culture where Billy is an icon, and at first there are people within the video game community who do not want him to succeed. It becomes kind of a struggle between good and evil, as the powers that be try to hold down those not in power. Suddenly, Steve is the guy you’re rooting for, if only just to beat that smart-ass Billy. It is a journey that takes you through the darker and seedier side of the video game revolution of the ’80s. Sounds like a boring premise to you? Let’s just say you will be pleasantly surprised how the film pulls you in and makes you appreciate some different parts of society that you never knew existed.
Murderball does an amazing job of juxtaposing scenes of the quadriplegic rugby players documenting their family environments and dealing with their personal demons, with the fast-paced, adrenaline-packed scenes of rugby. You’d have to be a robot to not be touched by the heartfelt and poignant stories – such as that of the intense Mark Zupan (who was rendered a quad because at the age of 16 he passed out in his buddys flatbed drunk, and then his buddy went out dwi and crashed, flinging Zupan’s body 60 ft. into a nearby stream, where he hung onto a tree branch for 13 hours before help arrived on the scene). The scenes of the abrasive Joe Soares are also great – documenting his family dynamic and his relationship with his bright, effeminate son.
This compelling documentary is one of the best you’ll ever see – a triumph of the heart, and human spirit – truly inspirational.
Mary and Max is one of these few films you’ll remember all your life. This amazing Claymation touches upon an unlikely friendship between two pen pals: a young girl living in Australia and an aging Jew from New York. It’s unbelievable what a precisely structured narrative this is. Director-writer Adam Elliot blends odd scatological, yet clever humour with poignant dramatizations to a splendid effect creating one of the best tragicomedies of the past few years. (The fun thing about this movie is that it’s based on a true friendship of the director. However he replaced himself for a female main character)
Due to its serious themes and dark tone, Mary and Max is an adult movie aiming much higher than its big studio counterparts. It happens to be more contemplative, and intelligent mimicking the real life with all its ups and downs. Calling this an extraordinary movie is certainly not an overstatement.
At first I was a bit worried that this was going to be the old hat anti-smoking movie that makes all smokers victims of the evil tobacco companies, but it’s actually based on a Christopher Buckley novel. The movie pokes fun at all sides of a very topical issue, from the tobacco lobbyist’s insistence that there has been “no conclusive proof” that tobacco is harmful, to the legislator’s thinking that putting a warning label on cigarettes will actually make someone pick up a cigarette package, read the label, and decide not to smoke. This is a great movie, smart, clever and very witty. A must watch
7) The Devil and Daniel Johnson – (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0436231/)
This film takes you on a journey into a creative genius’ struggle with life. Daniel Johnston recorded his entire life on cassette tape and his early life on film. Later he appeared on MTV, and in venues in Austin, TX on film and video. These provide the film-maker with a wide array of media for telling this story.
Jeff Feuerzeig weaves this material seamlessly into what is one of the most emotionally wrenching films and one of my favourite documentaries ever. This documentary brings emotional threads and creativity into play in a way that dissolves the usual harsh contrast between a story and it’s telling. You forget you are watching a documentary film, and become immersed in Daniel’s life. Daniel’s effect on those around him is interwoven with his own recordings. His family and friend are there to add to his story to show how his life is reflected upon them. It’s definitely a documentary you walk away from after and think “There’s no way that all happened, the storyline is to good to be true” and that’s what makes this movie special.
The film centres around photographer Yaniv “Nev” Schulman, recorded by Ariel Schulman, and Henry Joost. I’m going to reveal about the plot, because I strongly believe that you should see this movie knowing virtually nothing about it. If I even gave a synopsis, I’d be giving too much away.
It’s a film with a rather dark tone, and smartly edited by Zachary Stuart-Pontier. The documentary does make some strong points, such as “Who is this person?” “Who can I trust?” “What’s real, and what’s falsehood?” It makes one wonder what length some will go to hide the truth, and wonder what they would do in a situation like Nev’s.
The film starts off rather charming, but eventually the film ends up becoming so nervously unsettling, and emotionally devastating that it’s painful to watch. I know it made me not want to know what happen, because it just so hard to fathom, but I just decided to grit my teeth, and keep watching. The film is highly thought provoking, question raising, and the tone Joost, and Schulman set helps the film immeasurably.
If you like films to be current, different and interesting. This movie is for you! You’ll defiantly be talking to your friends about it afterwards.
This film portrayed a horrific set of circumstances in a measured and brilliantly illustrated manner. The economic issues were explained by clear, understandable graphs. Many major players appeared on camera to their detriment. The few that didn’t appear were shown through press clips.
It provides an entertaining, interesting and different angle to the biggest scam to hit the markets in many years and you will be left thinking “how can they get away with that”!
Highly recommended
The story is simple enough: New Zealand native village; extreme poverty and a group of young kids establishing the world of the narrative.
Boy, the main narrator is about ten. His primary concern is how he appears to his mates and the local girls. Various comic devices set the tone before his father arrives back from prison. We then see some endearing shared fantasies, before Boy gets the truth about his Dad as selfishly irresponsible.
It’s pretty hard to understand if you’re not familiar with a strong regional New Zealander accent, so subtitles are recommended.
It’s probably one of the sweetest, most innocent, humorous films you will see in a long time and will be enjoyed by anyone of any age, yet intelligent enough to engage an older audience.
I’m a massive sports fan and I really enjoy watching a game. But the truth is….. it’s a little more than a game for me. Although I’ve always loved sports, my “obsession” started about 7 years ago and since then sport has become part of my identity.
Well I’ll be straightforward, this may mostly apply to males but in less frequent cases it applies to females as well. I’m writing this as not an arrogant sports crazed person but from the perspective that we’re just asking that you understand us.
It’s important to broach this subject as it’s something does change the mood of a person who is obsessed with sports (especially if their team loses). Thus important to understand what sport actually means to some.
This is not meant to come across in an belligerent manner. But for a couple hours of the week, there are a few things that you should know and will help your relationship in the short & long term.
1) Don’t go for the other team
Unless you have always and genuinely have always supported the team that is playing your partners team, DON’T GO FOR THEM! It’s not fun at all for them when they’re losing. They know you don’t really care about the result, which makes it even more frustrating for them that you would want to see them miserable.
You may find it funny that the team you’re supporting wins. But at the end of the day, you’re only doing it to spite him. End result = Unhappy partner!
2) Whilst the game is on don’t talk about issues outside of sport.
To be brutally honest (and that’s what this forum is about) I find it really hard to have a normal conversation whilst a game is on. So if it’s really important and something that can wait, I would suggest waiting to talk about later.
3) Don’t ask too many questions about the game.
If you’re genuine about learning the game, then most of the time it’s fine. But I would recommend that you wait for a game where he’s going to be able to spend the time explaining what’s happening and why it’s happening, as during a game (with his/her own team) I know my attention is drawn to the game.
4) Sport might mean a little more than you realised
For some people, Sport is a social event. A time to bond with family and friends. If your partner likes to use this time to reconnect with friends, you should try to respect that. Personally sport is a major connection that I have with my father. He doesn’t like to talk too much about himself and the best way we communicate our feelings is through sport. By a little more investigation you may realize that this is something that has happened for generations in the family.
5) Talk about the HOT players their uniforms.
Most people can recognise if a sportsperson is attractive or not. It’s not rocket scientist and sure this may just be an observation and outside the time parameters of the game I’m sure they’re more than willing to talk about it. But at the end of the day, save it for later as it’s not something that directly affects the game.
6) Be supportive if their team loses.
To be honest when my team loses, I’m one of the grumpiest people in the world and unfortunately it can ruin my day/night. But at the end of the day it only lasts for 30 mins and then I’m over it. There’re other people that it could affect for longer. But my suggestion would be, if you love them enough, let them be for just that little bit. After all it is only a game, us mere sports crazed fans just need a little bit of time to calm down from it.
7) If their team wins?
Well it’s your lucky day! This is the time where they’re most generous and want to subconsciously bask in their team’s glory for the rest of the day. So if there’s ever a time where you need the approval of your partner for something. This is it!
Letting someone know that you care for them through a song is a really great way to express your feelings if you’re a little shy to say it yourself.
Don’t know which song to pick? Well below is a list of alternate indie songs which you may have heard of some but hopefully not all of them. Have a listen and see if you can relate to any of them.
Upon finding something you like send your partner an email or text with a link and let them know that this reminds you of them. It doesn’t have to be a public display of affection (Via Facebook/Myspace ect) but just something special for you two.
Or alternatively, buy all the songs and put them on a CD/Playlist for them.
Why Indie songs you ask? Personally I think this genre communicates love better than any other. Have a listen and feel free to add to the list in the comments.
Good luck!
1) Ben Folds – The luckiest
2) Cary Brothers – Blue Eyes
3) Darwin Deez – Radar Detector
4) Kurt Nilsen – On my Mind
5) Lior – This old Love
6) Sick Puppies – All the same
7) Nick Cave – Into my Arms
8) Stereophonics – It means nothing
9) Iron and Wine – Such great heights (Postal Service Cover)
10) Mouldy Peaches – Anyone else but you
11) Regina Spector – Us
12) Kate Miller Heidke – Last day on earth
13) Daniel Lee Kendall – Lost in a Moment
14) Ben Harper – Waiting for You
15) Bob Evans – Beautiful to Me (Little Birdy Cover)
16) Biffy Clyro – Umbrella (Rihanna Cover)
17) Travis – Baby One Time (Britney Spears Cover)
18) Cold Play – The Scientist
19) Plain White Tees – 1,2,3,4
20) Daniel Johnson – True Love will find you in the end
It’s such a simple question but it’s something that we often tend to forget about.
Why is it really important you ask?
From a males perspective it’s hard to explain, we tend not to want to talk about our issues and we tend to bottle them up and wait until something big happens and then everything gets blown up out of proportion as the smaller things haven’t been discussed in the first place.
It’s amazing how many times you can talk to a male and they can tell you all about their girlfriend/wife’s problems but if you hardly ever hear about how they actually are on the inside.
There are things you need to consider before having the conversation as it could definitely go the wrong way if not planned properly.
Pre Plan/Timing
Timing is so important especially when you’re talking about sensitive issues. The conversation could take place over a coffee, on a walk, over a glass of wine or probably most common at the dinner table. For me the best way for me to open up is over a glass of wine (not to many) and dinner as I tend to open up more and have better conversations.
Never Say “Cheer Up”
Ok so you’ve taken the time to actually ask them what’s wrong. To put it simple a “Cheer up” doesn’t help. For example: Person 1 “I feel like work is pulling my under and I’m really not happy there at the moment” Person 2 “Oh cheer up, it could be worse”. In all seriousness your step to understand your partner has totally backfired. They’ve opened up and you have just shot them down like their issue doesn’t matter and you’re back to square one.
Listen
This isn’t a time to talk about your opinion (Unless they ask you to) It’s more about letting them talk about the issue. Listening doesn’t involve you having an opinion about everything it means let them talk. As questions which develop the conversation further. Don’t try and solve the solution there and then, it mightn’t be as simple as that and it could come across condescending.
What happens if YOU’RE the problem?
If you’re the problem, nothing changes your approach. Don’t jump down their throat to defend yourself, this won’t help the scenario. Once the person has laid out their issues/concerns then it’s time for you to think about why they’re saying what they have. If it’s a bigger issue than what you anticipated take time on your response. It’s important to think about what and how you respond as once something is said, you can’t take it back.
I’ve often been the issue in a relationship and if you’re not responsive to feedback then you’re probably going to struggle through other parts of your life. People don’t tend to say things just to hurt you. They say something because they care and if you care enough about them you would do the same.
If you don’t consider the above when either talking to a male or female your probably not going to deal with your issues. Having something build up until the point where it’s unresolvable it’s not the way to go.
It’s my opinion that many relationships could be saved/developed if you “just talk”. But in saying that, always make sure you have a plan on how you would approach it.
If your partner is not willing to talk about it to you and loves you enough to want to remain the relationship consider counselling. After all, loves not easy.
Love is probably the easiest thing in the world and at the same time the hardest. Why do people fall in and out of love? Does true love actually exist and if so why can something be so one of the most difficult things to understand.
This website is here to reach out to people to give them some reassurance of how true love feels and the importance of continuing to make your partner/wife/husband the most important person in the world.
What makes this site different is that it’s run by a 29 year old professional who believes in true love, is engaged to be married and believes by sharing his own experiences and research can help other men/women understand more about themselves and their partners.
I’ll be sharing my experiences good and bad; however the important thing is that I learn from my experiences. I honestly believe I can analyse other people’s relationships a lot better than my own. Self-analysis is hard.
So feel free to write in, comment, make suggestions and ask questions.
Love’s Not Easy
Love is probably the easiest thing in the world and at the same time the hardest. Why do people fall in and out of love? Does true love actually exist and if so why can something be so one of the most difficult things to understand.
This website is here to reach out to people to give them some reassurance of how true love feels and the importance of continuing to make your partner/wife/husband the most important person in the world.
What makes this site different is that it’s run by a 29 year old professional who believes in true love, is engaged to be married and believes by sharing his own experiences and research can help other men/women understand more about themselves and their partners.
I’ll be sharing my experiences good and bad; however the important thing is that I learn from my experiences. I honestly believe I can analyse other people’s relationships a lot better than my own. Self-analysis is hard.
So feel free to write in, comment, make suggestions and ask questions.
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Posted by admin - April 20, 2012 at 6:56 pm
Categories: About Us Tags: comment, consideration, general advice, girlfriend, hard to understand, interact, listen, Love, loves not easy, males perspective, relationship advice